THREE QUESTIONS
There is a book by Jon J Muth which is based upon a story by Leo Tolstoy. It is called The Three Questions. The story takes us on a journey with Nikolai, who believes he will find all meaning of life by answering three questions: “When is the best time to do things? Who is the most important one? What is the right thing to do?” He inquires of his friends to no avail. He finally visits the wise old turtle, Leo who gives him answers that pertain to everyone…. we must find our own path and our own answers. I often read this story to my fifth grade students because picture books can work for any age. It takes us to a profound level, inspiring us to think about what is important.
I bring this to your attention because fifth graders were very concerned about social connections, having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and being “popular”. We would talk about why these things were important to them, especially the concept of popularity. Being popular is some invisible status that we give to people and most of the time, popular people do not even realize they are popular. I know because I have been told I was popular in high school. This always made me laugh! I never knew or believed I was popular, or believed that the concept even existed.
I have to admit that sometimes, fifth graders had me completely confounded. Boyfriend? Girlfriend? My next boyfriend came into my life at age 25 and he has been my husband for over 30 years. When fifth graders would tell me about who was “dating” whom, I would ask, “So, who drives? Who pays? Who has the job to pay for all of these “dates”? Those were my three questions. They were always confused and would tell me that it does not work that way. I would then launch into a short speech about finding what is important and directing oneself to those aspirations, not who is popular and who is dating whom.
Sadly, my female students thought that belonging was highly equated with appearance. Oh what our society does! As I was trying to comfort one student, she said, “it doesn’t matter what you say, you are pretty so you do not have to worry, and your husband married you because you are pretty.” I took a moment to get over being utterly flabbergasted, and said, “well, I am sure attraction was a part of it but pretty does not last. What lasts is if I can make him think, laugh, and if we can find a way to always work together no matter what. I would then say, and my husband is quite handsome and that did help with the initial meeting, but that is not what has sustained in our many years together.” I have to say that as a teacher, these are tough roads to traverse. These students have so much pressure on them!
Of course, I always end a very serious discussion with something light and humorous. It is a way to relieve the burden of the conversation and something I inherited from my father. I always asked if my students knew the three questions that should never asked of anyone? I gave pause to allow them to think.
I bring this up because the question of my age came up at a work gathering I recently attended. I never used to care if people knew my age but somehow, with these people, it was something I held close to my chest. I think it was because they were always inquiring about how many years I have been on this earth. Anyway, one young man persisted and I decided to quietly tell him my age thinking that he would keep it quiet. He immediately announced my age to the entire table! I was a bit frustrated and really embarrassed. This is not something that should be announced by another.
As a teacher, I believe that my job is so much more than teaching standards and content. It also includes how to be polite, courteous, and respectful. I told my students the three questions you can never ask anyone are: “How much do you weigh? How much money do you make? and How old are you?” These are personal and frankly no one else’s business. I would remind them that if a person divulged this information to them, it was because of trust and that in turn, the listener should keep it quiet. I wish this young man had been in my class….
After a few days, actually yesterday, (my birthday is today, April 16), teammates wished me Happy Birthday in the company chat. In an attempt to make up for his social faux pas, he asked how I keep my evergreen youth. I replied with this photo, and said, “It’s all in the mind.”
